A return in style- Bachelorette thoughts

No apologies will be offered or allowed. In the past few weeks my blogging took a back seat, and it is up to me to make it up to you with some witty thoughts, questions and ideas…

Getting right to it…

How have we not discussed the Bachelorette.

This show in general is phenomenal. It hits everything that is right with our country. Seriously think about it at the same time the show is: dramatic, funny (unintentionally, but funny nonetheless), romantic, and emotional. It is routine but unique with each episode and season following the same format but somehow offering the most dramatic rose ceremony yet. It is both self-referential and self-sustaining. They legitimately use their own cliché’s of “connections” and “here for the right reason” as judgment criteria and s much as we make fun of it, we nod our head cheer along. They have the perfect fit of familiar faces and new blood. Please tell me that we are all aware of the perfect chain we are witnessing right now… From bar owning twin who chose not to pick a final girl, to the Greek Girl to the guy with the kid who decided to switch his choice on the after the rose show, to the Canadian Chick with the greatest job of all time, to the most boring pilot ever, and finally to our blond bombshell drunken -party girl.

Alas. This blog doesn’t exist to praise things that are perfect. It exists so Rob and I can share our unasked for advice, in an attempt to make things more to our liking. Hence I offer three quick notes on this season of the Bachelorette. Really two observations and one solution…

1. This wee saw the dismissal of two of the all-time awkward guys in Bachelorette history. The hearing-impaired guy was on my freak list from episode one. Then he lost his mind and got a tattoo and went to a list of people who are over 90% likely to have a collection of doll heads smeared with mayonnaise in his night-stand. And the other guy (Chirs N?) has been a slip-through-the-cracks character who finally was put on the spot; and when pressed to same something interesting or personal he offered up, “I like mexican food.” Really this is what you have to offer. Nothing more? What is the criteria to get on this show? Less than five electroshock treatments? Honestly if I was a single women I would be depressed with what this show represent as the crème de la crème of the male dating pool.

2. I think Ali agrees with me. Despite her general alcohol driven ambivalence, she seems to be relatively unimpressed with her choice of bachelors. You can almost picture the moment during her pre-rose-ceremony interview where they cut off the cameras and politely explained to her that she should act a little more enthused about her potential suitors. But honestly can you blame her? Lets take a critical look at each of the guys left. In no particular order we have:
- A professional wrestler.
- A guy who moved to France to chase his dream only to move back home with his parents 6weeks later. Also note this guy is developing a dangerous jealousy twitch.
- The guy from Massachusetts; who despite the sad story about his mother is a little too excited about introducing Ali to his family. Seriously, 10 year olds aren’t this amped about their dad and they usually thin their father has super powers.
- Rico Suave
- A guy who almost died of mold poisoning, and somehow used that as the excuse for why he hasn’t ever had a serious girlfriend.
- A cowboy. Trust me, the advertising account girl from San Francisco is not interested in moving to Tennessee
- And my dark horse favorite the lawyer- from now on called Darden Copeland II. (Darden Copeland I went to UR with me and is this guys twin.) He actually has the most normal points of everyone so far. Of course by writing this I’m sure he’ll rub peanut butter in his hair and poop himself in the next episode.
The truth is the show simply has the poor man’s bachelor’s and bachelorette’s these days… now I don’t think this is a problem, I look at it more as an opportunity to enhance and fix the show before it falls 100% off the tracks.

3. This naturally is where I have wanted to go all along, and that is giving my opinion for fixing this particular show. On a side note, my solution could work for literally every single “competition” based reality show. Next to my rant about airport luggage this is one of my most fully-baked “ideas I would implement if I was in charge of everything.”

We have already seen the concept of a reality show where there is a secret twist - either the guy’s not a millionaire, or it’s not a beauty contest it’s an inner beauty contest. All of these are a relatively flat take, but they get to the point of making the game something different. I want to expand on it, and I want to do so in a way that drives increased audience participation.

Let’s say we start with myself- a reality show fan who is smarter than the average bear. Now let’s say you pair me up against another reality show fan- for argument sakes lets say this other fan is an Irish hooligan from New England with a series of ill-advised tattoo’s- lets name him Casey.

Now both Casey and I enjoy watching, cheering, and critiquing the antics behind all of these guys as they try to win Ali’s heart. So imagine if there was a way where each of us is assigned one of the bachelors as a coach. We are given the opportunity to meet with our bachelor on a regular basis and give him tips insight and advice based on what we see in the episodes. Of course Casey and I are each able to solicit advice from the public at large. Say we leverage the concept of social media and ask the audience advice on whether our guy should play the sensitive card, the friend card, or the bat shit crazy card. All ways round the audience is now involved in the outcome of the game. They can cheer for their favorite bachelor as a traditionalist, they can cheer for the individuals versus the guys given and advantage, they can cheer for my style versus Casey’s style, and they can cheer for the guy that takes their opinion on a decision they weighed in on.

It is literally impossible to convince that my idea is not awesome.