You Gotta Love Gorilla Juice Heads

oh Jersey Shore how do I love thee.......

It's glad to have the crew back in Seaside for season 3. Where to start.

1. How are Ron and Sam still together? Did she watch season 2? or were they filming season 3 when it was on tv? That could be the only excuse. What kind of loser girl would date Ron after the crap he pulled at the beginning of season 2? Why is Sammy still even on the show? Well to collect a paycheck and that's about it. Not only is she a wet blanket but she makes Ronnie a wet blanket at the same time? And we all have seen what he can do when he's not with a wet blanket. It's like a great player playing for a crappy team and not trying....he's not fun to watch because he's not having fun.

2. The new chick.....Seriously Mike (Mike Cole, not Mike "the situation") and I talked about this 2 weeks ago and we've brought up the point many times before, why can't MTV find a good looking girl? I'm not gonna even say a "hot" girl because a good looking girl would be a leap of an improvement for the female cast. Well at least MPV is down with her since she doesn't cock block, does her own thing and has a good attitude...according to Pauly D. She's a drunken mess which has already proven to be a plus. And if not for her we would not have got the "kitchen ditchen" move that the situation pulled on her.

Apparently the best MTV could find

3. The t-shirt shop....really? It was not fun to watch the 1st time and it won't be fun to watch this time.

4. The guys are off the charts. I think they could do season 4 without any of the girls. I mean Pauly and Vinny busting on writing Sam a note about fake Ron and Deena. Vinny pulling a robbery on the Sitch in the special bedroom. The Sitch making up catch phrases. Pauly busting jokes. Just their normal goofy guy stuff like "that's what she said". These guys are extremely like-able characters and the girls are not.


5. FYI Ronnie's Xenadrin commercial just came on while typing this.

6. Not sure if anyone else has noticed this, but you can tell they are famous and the editors are trying hard not to show you this. If you look carefully in certain scenes, when the camera angles change, you can see 2-3 giant gorilla dudes luring around. Basically they have security with them all the time. I am gonna assume the house if probably surrounded by security. Seaside is not big...anyone could find the house in 15 minutes max. But in the scenes where Snooki is running down the boardwalk you see big bodyguard type guy running after her. Also when Snooks is on the beach there are people lined up about 20 yards away. And security broke up the Jwow-Sam fight real fast. In the last episode you could even see people in the distance lined up on the boardwalk while Snickers and Jwow are with the guys in a restaraunt.

7. "I think Pinot is okay, pregnant people do it"? or "This isn't law school, it's a t-shirt shop"

8. Wait, now they are not showing the preview of Sammy punching Ronnie in the face? Did the battered boyfriend coallition call and complain? Well Well how the tides have turned since Snickers got knocked out.

Do they even still blog?

A quick little list of things I like and things I don’t like; with some fun anecdotes thrown in…

Things I like- Short timing

Yup 90% of the reason I have time to write this blog is that I am once again short timing it. I gave notice to my current employer last week and am now a “short timer” while I pass some time winding down this job before I take a new role a few blocks further north here on Madison Avenue.

Early in my career, I had a fantastic short time experience when I was leaving a job in Richmond. I gave notice right before March Madness and then moved my lap top to our lounge and hung out watching TV for my two weeks’ notice. I was not very serious about my career during that stage of my life.

Now, I think I may have hit the other extreme. I’m much more serious, so much so that I don’t necessarily work on many day-to-day things. Hence I am full on short timing and kicking out this list of likes and not likes.

Thing I don’t like- Olive Garden, or maybe it is just their commercials

Here is the thing I know I am a bit of a food snob, but I still see no reason for Olive Garden to exist and certainly no reason for it to exist it any major city on the east coast. There are more local small Italian restaurants than you can shake a stick at up and down the east coast- why do we need this grotesque big chain. I’m not a fan of Red Lobster, but I can see the niche it fills- Sit down, family affordable seafood is not on every corner- so they get a pass. But we really don’t need faux-inexpensive chain Italian.

That said, I may be more offended by the ads than I am by the actual place. I’m consistently grossed out by the glamour shot of some pseudo-Italian looking entrée oozing cheese smothered in fat. I’m also annoyed that they try to pretend that this stuff comes from an authentic Italian cooking school, or that some woman is impressed that her new boyfriend treated her friends to a lunch with free breadsticks.

The only spot I like is the one where one person says he never knows what he is going to order and says he always sees something he wants. Then the goofy dad leans over to see a plate of food going by and says “I think I just did!” Well I like that commercial cuz it reminds me of the old SNL skit “oops I crapped my pants”. I don’t think it is good that the only plus I can give Olive Garden is that they remind of adult incontinence.

Things I like- Jersey shore

Like putting on an old sweatshirt I am always in a good mood when Jersey shore is on the air. I miss the characters when they are gone. And while the cache of normal people partying at the shore is long long gone, I like watching these guys handle their celebrity so poorly. Special kudos to the scene where Pauli’s stalker from season 1 showed up. Everything that is awesome with this show is summed up in that scene!

Things I don’t like- Sammi and Deana on Jersey Shore

Before I get critical. Hats off to Sammie for hitting the gym, toning up and really looking good for this season. That said, her performance feels like an NBA player in the middle of a guaranteed contract. She clearly does not want to be in the house, on camera, or with these people. But her paycheck and livelihood depend on it. Hence she is a permanent dirty diaper. The NBA will likely do away with the long guaranteed contracts next season and I suggest that Jersey Shore do away with Sammie next season as well.

Deanna is such a waste of space I can’t even believe I am spending any time typing about her. A- We already have the Snookie character; B- for the love of god can’t we get a legitimate hot girl for the show. The really jersey shore has tons of attractive, fit, hot ass. Why must we cast Ewoks. The girl Sitch hooked up with last episode will do. Give her the spot in the house and send Deanna back to Endor.

Things I like- The idea of Bad Girls Cub

This show sounds right up my alley. Let’s get a bunch of women who stake their reputation on being ridiculous and stick them in a house where they compete to be the biggest train wreck possible. It has drinking, fighting, poor grammar, insane vendettas, rivalries based on a kindergarten bully mentality, plenty of skin, and absolutely no attempt to connect on any deeper emotion. I should have producer credits on this show.

Things I don’t like- The actuality of Bad Girls Club

I saw my first episode a few months back and it featured the girls on a road trip to Key West. There was a big fight and one girl threatened to and followed through on her threat to throw a fan at another girl. I immediately put the show on a season recording on my dvr.

The problem was once you watch a second or a third episode I started to have an almost visceral reaction. This is not a good thing.

I used to have a little rant about ultra violent video games ala Grand theft auto. To me it’s not enough to put an age restriction on these games. I don’t think it is okay for anyone of any age to play a game in which it is programmed such that you can beat an old woman with her cane.

I’m putting bad girls club almost in that category. Not quite but almost. While I appreciate that “bitch” is far and away the most common word, and I’m not complaining about naked hot tubs scenes, and I will never turn down a fight featuring fans as projectile weapons… I just don’t think I can condone this show.

(Full disclosure I got sucked into a bunch of repeats last night)

Thing I like- Having a friend of a friend of a friend who is a set designer for Wipe Out

On the list of awesomer jobs than mine, I would certainly list the guy who builds all of the cool stunts for Wipe Out. I’m jealous.

There is one final “Thing I like” and “Thing I don’t like” but it is a long story in itself. In short I like being right and really like being so right that I get to taunt people who didn’t think I was right. What I really don’t like is finding out that after said taunting, I was in fact not even close to right…

Yes I know, not so easy to follow, but since I’m currently short timing; you won’t have to wait long for my next blog post.