I’ll try to be concise as I give one general comment, and 19 quick replies/stories/comments inspired by Rob’s photos.
General thought- I’m not sure I can come up with a more blog-worthy locale than the low-end amusement park. If you allow me to combine boardwalks and local town carnivals into the mix I could go on forever. I could take the high-minded route and make some social commentary about the reflection on family entertainment, consumption, and local culture. I could tell some personal stories such as the fact that my first date was at a local town fair or my childhood buddy Kris and I were almost ejected from Action Park for mooning the line on the Tarzan Swing. We might even be able to get some audience participation by having people vote for their favorite carnival food, tell a summer romance story, or describe the almost fight they nearly had with the kids from the “other” town. Yes the low-end amusement park is a deep deep well of stories. In fact, I’ll say if you can’t be interesting in the amusement park topic, you are not an interesting person.
That said, of all the avenues to choose from, I’m glad Dorsett chose immature anonymous mockery for our blog. Without further ado here are 19 comments to his previous photo post. (To avoid scrolling I to his original post, I kept the photos in.)
1. I wish I could be dismissive about bad-cheesy t-shirts. Hell I wish I could even write them off as a youthful indiscretion I was once guilty of. But Lisa, myself, and my 10 week old son are often found in matching “Team Cole” jerseys.
On the topic of dressing my kid up in funny shirts… My college buddies and I are getting together this fall. I have offered my son up as wingman for the one single guy nicknamed Turkey. Let me know what you think of the following shirts for my son:
- Have you met my friend Turkey?
- If you think I’m cute, you should meet my buddy Turkey.
- My daddy’s friend wants to meet you.
I think these are a good idea.
2. The fact that your Fidel Castro joke would have worked for the last 50 years is absurd. What’s more absurd is not only is he still alive, but he is rocking the same look for that whole time.
3.Our buddy Ryan has a long running joke about Andy Reid coach of the Philadelphia Eagle. Every day Ryan imagines that Coach Reid looks at himself in the mirror and says, “Hmmm, do 300 pound red haired guys look better with a mustache or without?... With. Definitely with!”
I originally thought this guy might have had a similar thought process and then I realized it was not the case. He has thrown in the towel on aesthetics and is 100% function over appearance. His shirt and pose represent the apex of his decision making. I’ll just make the assumption that given this summer has been brutally hot in the north east this guy was preparing for a hot day. Given that assumption, our buddy here chose an outfit that 1) reflected rather than absorbed heat, 2) removed those pesky sleeves allowing for cooler armpits, and 3) was distracting enough to draw attention away from the fact that Stone Cold Steve Austin has obviously let himself go.
4. The only thing better than camouflage is neon camouflage. Can we photoshop this guy and fat Steve Austin together?
5. A girl we went to high school with was on the wrestling team. Even writing that down it feels so generic after-school-special it makes me angry.
6. This is the exact opposite of the “hot-girl tattoo.” Imagine she was going for the understated butterfly on the shoulder thing and her tattoo artists just had bad vision perspective.
7. Interesting that you highlight this as an example of worst job ever since it is remarkably similar to the worst job I ever had. In the summers before basketball camp started I had a series of bad jobs that I would work for a month before working at camp. One year I worked at Party City. Do you have any idea how many balloons you have to fill up when you work at a Party City on a Saturday? It was the perfect combination of tedious and frustrating.
8. Again our green shirted friend thought about function over aesthetics. He chose a shirt that while painful on the eyes was easy to pick out across the crowded amusement park. Either that or his wife and he were dressing as their favorite flavors of Italian ice.
9. Is this a guy or a girl? How do you get a girl with that shirt, that hair, and that weight? No idea what the girl in the green looks like, but still…
10. I’m losing it too… So many jokes, hard to pick one. This guy is far and away my favorite.
11. If this guy ever got in shape there is a 95% chance his preferred mode of exercise would be mall waking.
12. My mother wears a fanny pack when she goes to Europe. She read somewhere that she should wear a traveler’s money belt to keep things safe. Of course, my mother’s wallet is roughly the size of a Big Mac, so she had to get a fanny pack rather than a nice discreet money belt in order to fit said wallet.
Why does she need her entire wallet in Europe you ask? Well I’m sure she feels everything is highly useful while wandering around Europe. I once inspected her wallet and found a library card from Montclair State College. Lets ignore the fact that my mother got her masters at Montclair 20+ years ago, and that it is now a University and no longer college, and just all agree that they do not have a branch in Rome.
13. I went college In Richmond where there were very few Asians. So much so that my buddy Kai was once introduced by a southern sorority girl as, “This is Kai, he’s half Japanese.”
14. I have no idea what iCarly is and more so I’m so excited to have a son which gives me a few years before I have to be indoctrinated into the world of pink-kid crap. That said I looked her up and it seems like the poor man’s Hannah Montana. On the topic of bad singing, girl-related sitcoms I feel like this whole trend is a combo of Punky Brewster and American Idol. I’m pretty sure that is a bad thing, unless each of these girls ends up as hot as Soleil Moon Frye
15. You are correct Rob. Nothing funny here at all.
16. I don’t have a Morgan Freeman joke or comment, however, I will use this opportunity to transition to another black actor- Lawrence Fishburne and his porn star daughter.For those not in the know apparently Lawrence Fishburne’s daughter- Montana Fishburne, has decided to explore her sexuality by becoming a porn star. Seriously? Couldn’t you explore your sexuality without the cameras on? Anyhow three quick comments about this…
1) Thank god I don’t have a daughter. If “Furious” Styles can’t keep his daughter on the straight and narrow, then what hope do the rest of us have.
2) If her next porn movie is not a spoof on the matrix with some sort of overdone slow motion scene, I lose all faith in the adult entertainment field.
3) The only positive note for Lawrence- being Curtis the Cowboy on PeeWee’s Playhouse is no longer the most shameful moment of his life.
17. Have to love that you managed to put camouflage, neon green, and fanny packs all in the same picture.
18. I hate it when I feel the need to be a know-it-all; but I would bet that the reason for the ice cream curfew is that the soft-serve ice cream machines are a pain in the ass to clean. (I have had multiple friends work in the ice-cream serving field and have heard all sorts of horror stories.) Anyhow I can picture, this fine establishment wanting to avoid overtime, hence they have the snack food workers start cleaning up the ice cream machine early in order to speed up the shut-down process.
That said I do think its worth noting that they felt the need to highlight all of the ice-cream related products individually. Almost as if a person would see a sign saying “No ice cream” and then think they could slide an ice cream sundae under the radar.
19. So this lovely girl obviously went on a water ride and had the misfortune of some odd drying marks. This reminds me of a great story featuring my friend Meg.
About a year ago, Meg, my wife, and I all attended a wedding together. Because she was attending alone, Meg ended up sharing a room with Lisa and I. Now Meg is good looking girl and naturally might attract a bit of attention from many of the single guys at the wedding. Fast forward to the late night drinking after the reception. We are crowded in some hotel room at god knows what hour, and Meg wanders in and gets quite a bit of attention, but not in the good way. She is wearing her dress but has this horrific ring of sweat stretching across her back from armpit to armpit. More than one guy takes note and while Meg is my friend I don’t even know how I can defend her and her apparent back sweating issue. Anyhow during the hung over breakfast the next morning Meg tells us of her adventure then night before. How she stripped down out of her dress and went down the hotel water slide in only her bra and panties. Suddenly the mysterious sweat mark made sense, it was where her wet bra was touching her dress. I then of course felt bad for those single guys. They thought they were avoiding the sweaty girl when really they were passing on the “I’m drunk enough to be taking my clothes of in mixed company" girl.
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So very proud, I am.
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