Thoughts from a morning at the airport….

Too many thoughts bubbling thorough my head that they just wouldn’t fit into my normal facebook rants.

Hence a random blog post.

1. Change of scenery- Off to Atlanta this morning and couldn’t figure out a way to make it happen on Continental hence, I’m in terminal B on Delta. And I must admit, its nice over here. Complete change of pace. People are nicer, everyone takes their time, there is lots of room. I feel like one of those people who moves from the busy north east -commuting through the hell of Manhattan and settles in middle America and work at an office park. I feel silly saying it since I’m on a day trip to Atlanta to watch people talk for 2 hours or so, but this feels like a lil vacation.

2. Screw you Caribbean Grills- I love the Caribbean and I love a grilling; but put them together and they can go fuck themselves.

(Side note 1. I misspelled Caribbean two different ways when I originally typed the above thought. Side note 2: I have lots of food court rambles. This whole blog started in my head while eating breakfast. Indulge me.)

Here is my issue with the Caribbean grill themed restaurant; for whatever reason they are vehemently at war with hot dog restaurants- and I love hot dogs. One of the benefits of living in New jersey is proximity to the world’s greatest collection of hot dog restaurants. (100% serious here. No place on earth is even close to the collection of all-star hot dog vendor NJ produces.) In fact, I have been known to agree to run errands with my wife only because said errands bring us close to a delicious hot dog- yeah I’m talking to you hot dog truck in front of Best Buy in Secaucus.

Anyhow somehow along the line, hot dog restaurants started disappearing and Caribbean grilled chicken franchises popped up in their place. And you know who was happy? No one. Hence I see the grilled chicken airport food court restaurant and can only see a RIP sign for a good ole Nathans.

3. Play to your strengths- The Famiglia in the airport has pictures up of famous people who have eaten there. I guess technically this works and is smart since there is a relatively high proportion of celebrities passing through an airport as opposed to the average Famigilia pizza parlor. But it still feels a bit like they are cheating. I think those photos should have an asterisk- not regular customers. Extra points thought for the old school terminator version of Schwarzenegger.

4. How my mind works- Not that you asked but here is how I make connections. I saw the Famiglia celebrity photos, and thought of thr Seinfeld Episode with jerry’s photo in the Laundromat. Then I thought of the Seinfeld bit where Jerry wears the fur and carries a man-bag. And then I thought of the episode in Friends when Joey auditions for a play and keeps talking about his man-bag. Conclusion- if you were an alien learning about Human culture based on turn-of-the-millennium sit coms you would think man-bags were a much bigger trend then I personally recall- right?

5. Gets it right, Gets it wrong- So my final food court note is about Wendy’s. I have to give them credit. I was relatively impressed that they actually cracked real fresh eggs and made my breakfast sandwich to order. More so, they offered a fruit cup or oat meal bar as an alternative to the deep fried hash browns. I was impressed. And then, the woman making my coffee looked like I was a freak for turning down the mocha, vanilla, and Carmel sauce options on my coffee. “They don’t cost any extra” she pleaded, urging me on to Type 2 diabetes. “No thanks, I have me eye on that cinnabon the size of a football, “ I should have responded. Alas. They were so close to surprising me.

6. Another bathroom story- my dearest friends, know that I have a gajillion hilarious bathroom stories. From broken toilets at inopportune times, to drunkenly using the wrong bathroom, to accidentally using a handicapped bathroom at work for a very long time- bathroom stories happen to me. Well add a new on to the list.

Sparing you the details. It’s the morning. I had coffee. I am not using an airplane bathroom. I needed to take a seat. (Going forward I’ll refer to bathroom options as sitting or standing.)

I went to the men’s room only to find two airport personal standing there like bouncers. They explained that the men’s room was out of order, there was no other bathroom on this side of security, and I would have to wait till the women cleared the ladies room and they could allow me to use that one.

(Side note- remember earlier when I compared Terminal b to a refreshing change from terminal c. This is the down side- on freaking bathroom. This is the moment of living in middle America and you realize that while it is cute and friendly it is on the outside looking in on civilization.)

Anyhow I had no choice so I waited. Another women approached, and the airline employee informed her that she would have to wait as they were going to let the bathroom empty of women and allow men to use it. Seemed fair. Another man joined me on line. And then the women’s line began to grow.

Now I have written before that airports bring out the worst in people. And here was one more example. As we waited for the last women to exit the restroom, many of the ladies on line began to get impatient, as though the concept of waiting a few extra minutes for a bathroom was a matter of life and death. And of course they began to look over at the men and resent the fact that they were, in a sense waiting for us.

I knew things would not go well, but I looked at the other man on line as my partner in crime and hoped he was in the same position as me. Finally, the bathroom cleared and the boys had the run of the joint, unfortunately as we settled in a realized I would be left to fight alone. He was standing while I was sitting.

Now I eat a healthy diet high in fiber and ruffage, but there is no way sitting can compete with the speed of standing. Which would mean he would exit to smiles, while I would be the one holding up an entire line of hostile women.

I finished my business and headed for the door. As I crossed the exit I saw the crowd had now reached 20+ women all staring at me. I was two steps in the clear when I heard the first snicker. A weaker man would have looked away, lowered his head in shame. I choose to pause, flash a big smile and give the whole line a double thumbs up.

All of these things happened to me today before 8:30 AM.

Tis The Season?

Xmas in July?????

Back when I was around 12, my neighbors were like 18-24 and there were 3 of them. Their parents went away on a vacation and of course they threw a party......a Christmas party....i

n the middle of July. I remember thinking what a brilliant idea it was and I still think it is. They had a tree, lights, and someone in a santa suit. Pure awesomeness. Fast forward 20 years and I still see people with this same xmas spirit, you know who they are.....they are your neighbors who still have not taken down their xmas lights.

For a while I thought these fine home owners just loved xmas, but I have

a sneaky suspicion they are just lazy. How have I come to this conclusion? Because I never see the lights actually on at night. Everywhere I drive during the day a I see xmas lights still up, mostly of the "icicle" variety. Have these people permanintly attached these light to their homes? Probably not. Now i know we had a great deal of snow this past winter and I'll be the 1st to admit that my lights did not come down till all the snow was gone, it was just not happening with all the snow where the ladder would go. Its actually starting to become a pet peeve of mine. Its everywhere....suburbs and cities. Just plug them in, it will still look cool. I have xmas lights up in my man cave garage and have had them in every place I lived since I was 18. They are cool, as long as the are used.

Pics of what is really starting to annoy me:

******Now this light situation is bad, but we have uncovered an even worse situation. Its so bad I dont know where to start so I am just gonna show you the picture:

Yes that is what you think it is. I get an email from Cole, because he knows I have been toying with the "xmas all year" blog idea. Here is the exact email:

so we went to a father's day bbq at lisa's aunt nancy...and i ended up wandering past their formal dining room and noted that there is a huge white plastic draped triangle in the corner of the room...yup that's right she left up her fake christmas tree.

I got photos for your blog...

I just think the whole thing is hilarious because all things considered they have a very nice well decorated clean house... yet for some reason they think it is acceptable to have a christmas tree permanently in their dining room... but on second though i guess they realize it is a little weird so they try to cover it up with a plastic tarp!

To clear things up, it is a fake tree. This situation also leads me to many questions, so here are a few.

1. Is a fake tree a pain in the ass to put together? I have never had a fake tree, but I assume they cannot be too hard to disassemble.

2. Doesnt a large object covered in a big white plastic bag just scream "look over here" in someone's house?

3. Why not keep the tree uncovered and maybe decorate it for different holidays? Hang eggs, american flags, shamrocks, hearts, pumpkins ect ect ect.

4. Who puts their xmas tree in the dining room? Is it safe to assume they moved it to the dining room from the living room? Looks like a fancy dining room, so i guess they have a table in the kitchen they eat at, so the dining room is not often used. Maybe its not safe to assume anything here. Maybe they always had it in the dining room. i mean these are the same people who still have their xmas tree up.

5. How long has this tree been up? I beg Cole to find out. i will guess 3 years. Why? No idea. Do you have a better guess?

So I guess the moral to all this ranting is.....If you are going to be too lazy to dedecorate then at least own it and continue to be festive

Summer TV Updates

Well the Fantasy Reality Challenge between Mike and I is in full swing and I am embarrassed somewhat to say the Mike is, in the words of host TJ Lavin, killing it. The overall score is Mike:350 and Rob:160. Mike did get 100 points for Adam getting kicked off in the 1st episode, but still he would hold an almost 100 point lead. Why you ask? All signs lead to the current fantasy reality MVP, and rookie, Jazmine from Real World Cancun. She's been involved in verbals altercations, sex in bathrooms, cheating on a boyfriend at home, breaking mirrors and it looks like more in store from previews. All this coming from a 5 foot girl who resembles a troll doll, as pointed out by Cole during our Real World Cancun blog.

Other standouts:

-- "Mike Mike" from RWLV2 took over for Adam after he was kicked out for fighting, and very poor fighting may I add. Not only did he sucker punch Ty, who laughed about it and was barely phased, but it basically knocked Mandi out cold by accident in the process. Back to Mike Mike. He has been pure comedy. Dressing up like Tyler and dancing in the jacuzzi, coughing up blood, talking about geeky stuff with people whose reading level could be 8th grade, having this odd relationship with Paula(I hope she bangs him) and having girls take body shots off of him. This guy would be racking up points if he was in the initial draft. The contestants think since he is smart that is is good at puzzles, so they are actually kinda scared to go against him in the elimination and that has kept him and Leroy safe. He says he sucks at puzzles......great....they are basically scared of a geeky white kid with no athletic ability whatsoever, under the pretense that smart people are inherently good at puzzles.

--CT---this guy is a beast. I believe Mike one wrote that he would like to see Ron Ron from Jersey Shore and CT fight. I thought CT would destroy him. I now think CT would kill him. How has he not been cast in a comic book type movie as the muscle, kinda like the Thing in the Fantastic Four, or a lesser X-men character. He could be the most intimidating person I've ever seen on a show.

Overall I've been a little disappointed with the show, again its probably due to super high expectations. I feel like we have not seen enough of them drinking and partying at the house. Thats where all the funny shit happens. And the big challenges have not been super cool. Come on MTV, pick it up.

What else is on?

-Love in the Wild.....do yourself a favor....check it out. Its entertaining. Couples can switch partners. People generally disliking the person the are matched up with.

-Bachelorette.....boring me

-Big Brother just started so I'm all in. Its on 3 times a week, whats not to love?

I've also decided to watch OZ. I know its been off the air for a while, but I never saw it when it was on. I into the 6th and final season. Awesome show. I'm constantly thinking about what I can use to make into a shank. I will give this warning....I'm seen more male frontal nudity than in my whole life combined. There are also many people who you;ll know from other shows, Like Michael from Lost and a bunch of Law and Order cast members.

Fantasy Reality

Rivals Challenge

So a couple friends of Mike and I (Simmons & Jacoby) had this idea a while back to make a reality challenge show where people were paired up with someone and competed in challenges, lived in a house together with other teams and such. But the twist they had was that the teams were made up of 2 people who hated each other for one reason or another. They thought it should be called "Frenimies" (friends and enemies combined). Well fast forward to tonight and we have that show, under the title of "Rivals" abd MTV's latest Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

The concept is pure genius. Imagine having to work with your nemesis every day, does not matter the job. It would totally suck. Now imagine you had to work really hard together in order to get paid. More sucking. Now throw in 13 other pairs of people in the same situation......getting interesting. Add on binge drinking and people probably on some sort of steroids.......getting very exciting. And now add on the fact that these people hate each other and the last time some of them encountered each other, things did not end well. You now have the recipe for possible the most volatile of situations.

And what to do with this situation? Well we are each picking 7 guys and 7 girls from the cast for our 1st ever Reality Fantasy League. That's right, we have nothing better to do than award points for various behaviors and accomplishments on the show and see who picked the better people. We have stolen the scoring system from our friends. Here are the teams, my analysis, and the scoring system. We will update weekly over the summer on how things are progressing.

Team Cole

CT, Johnny Bananas, Adam (real world vegas), Tyree, Nehimiah, Tyler Davis

Paula, Robin, Jenn, JAsmine, Katelyn, Anessa, Mandi

ANALYSIS: CT and Adam are odds on to get kicked off the show, probably for fighting, which earns huge points. Johnny has pissed off a lot of people over the past challenges. Paula is a soap opera, she'll get major crying points. Jenn is a seasoned veteran who always goes far in challenges and is a master manipulator.

Team Dorsett

Wes, Kenny, Evan, Leroy, Adam K, Ty, Brandon

Evelyn, Sarah, Laurel, Theresa, Cara-Maria, Camila, Jonnna

ANALYSIS: Strong female competitors in Evelyn, Sahah & Laurel. One of them can easily win this. Wes and Kenny can be the most entertaining pair ever, lots of bad blood there. Evan was a steal with the 11th pick in the draft. Could be major points across the board if they can last.

Scoring

Emotional/Verbal

• Female Crying: 5 points ....Male Crying: 20 points....Asking if a fellow cast member is there "for the right reasons": 10 points
• Saying, “I didn’t come here to make friends”: 10 points
• Trying to make someone cry and succeeding: 25 points
• Trying to make someone cry and failing: -5 to -25 points (commissioner’s discretion)
• Blaming parents for poor behavior: 10 points
• Calling a friend or relative at home, crying, and saying, “Everyone here hates me”: 20 points
• Threatening to sue fellow cast member: 25 points
• Being subject of an intervention: 30 points
• Plugging an acting, modeling, or singing career: 10 points
• Singing song in front of two or more people: 20 points

Romantic/Sexual

• Open-mouth kissing: 5 points per participant
• Coitus (or pulling over covers in bed): 25 points per participant
• Denying coitus: 10 points
• Fraudulent denial of coitus: 20 points
• Fraudulent claim of coitus: 25 points
• Participating in threesome: 50 points per participant
• STD scare: 30 points per sexual partner
• Pregnancy scare: 50 points per sexual partner
• Intentional nudity: 20 points
• Unintentional nudity: 5 points
• Hitting on the show’s host: 5 to 15 points (commissioner’s discretion)
• Possession of concealed erection: 10 to 25 points (commissioner’s discretion)
• Revealing past career in pornography: 50 points

Violence

• Verbal Fighting: 5 points
• Physical Fighting: 25 points
• Decisively winning physical fight: 25 points
• Throwing drink in someone’s face: 5 points
• Having unexplained black eye, fat lip, or bloody knuckles: 25 points
• Being restrained or lectured on camera by security or production staff: 25 points
• Requesting to be assaulted: 10 points
• Invoking show’s rules as only reason for not committing assault: 10 points
• Attempting to fight show’s host: 100 points

Drugs/Alcohol

• Extreme intoxication: 5 to 25 points
• Vomiting: 10 points
• Having car keys taken away: 5 points
• Being kicked out of bar or club: 20 points

Religious/Volunteerism

• Violating stated religious beliefs: 25 points
• Attending church: -10 points
• Non-court-ordered volunteer work: -25 points

Early Departures

• Being kicked off show: 100 points (must be eliminated outside of game play)
• Causing others to threaten to leave show: 15 points
• Threatening to leave show and not following through: 15 points
• Threatening to leave show and following through: 30 points

Hot Tub/Helicopter Bonus

• Any points earned in hot tub and/or helicopter are scored at double value.

Other

• Cheating on a significant other who is at home: 25 points
• Making T.J. say, “You Killed It”: 25 points
• Winning elimination challenge: 10 points
• Bleeding: -10 points
• Having people mess with you while passed out drunk: -10 points
• Winning final challenge: 50 points

Twice in a week... you all are so lucky

No. I will not write every day from now on. But as I’m feeling inspired here is another 1000 words on the Bachelorette. For those that don’t watch the show numbers 3 and 8 should still be amusing.

1. Can we all stop pretending that the bachelor/bachelorette has any decision in where they travel to or what they do on the dates? I am picturing some PA throwing up in his mouth when he thinks about all the work he did to prep a cast and crew to move to Thailand only to hear Chris Harrison say, “Ashley and I thought we needed a fresh start…” Am I meant to believe that just on a whim, the dopey girl decided "hmm I’ll move a multi-million dollar production cuz I feel blue."

2. I work with writers for a living. I would love work with the writers who script the promo commercials for every reality show. “Coming up on the most dramatic transformation yet..”, or “Coming up on the most dramatic rose ceremony yet…” Those writer’s meetings must be the happiest or most depressing meetings of all time. Scenario 1- smiling writers who can’t believe that they lucked into the easiest job ever. Two guys cut out of work early one for a beer the other to see his kids. Scenario 2- tears streaming down a tortured artists face as another of his ideas is poo-pooed. His evil boss laughs at his effort, goading him on, “Are you gonna try another of your big ideas, or are you ready to give up and just give us the ‘dramatic’ line.”

3. A few years back I spent a couple months bumming around south east asia. Here is my story from Phuket- I went to Phuket to book a liveaboard dive trip to the Burma banks. The first night I got there I went to a bar. Sitting around a bunch of divers got to chatting and drinking and we came up with the idea that rather than join a ship we should charter our own. Next morning we met for breakfast, divided into pairs and scattered across the town hitting up every dive shop. Sure enough, someone was perfectly happy to take the gift of a fully booked charter that walked into his shop. We set off for a week dive trip. I dove four times a day and spent my downtime relaxing on a yacht in tropical waters. That was a very good week. This week I wrote 2000 words about a reality tv show. My life went in the wrong direction somehow.

4. Money making idea for the Bachelorette. Have a pay-per view event where Ashley is filmed watching the early episodes where Bently trashes her. Then for an encore get her drunk and let her watch herself as she moans on and on about some guy who didn’t care about her. That would be awesome TV.

5. Constantine looks like Ben F. the wine guy, only Constantine has a lazy eye. Not a good thing when your doppelganger without the droopy eye is on the same dating show as you. Also, Constantine- what was up with the socks on the beach?

6. “Afraid to get hurt,” “closed off,” and “ready to open up” should replaced “journey” and “right reasons” in your Bachelorette drinking game.

7. From my wife. “Nice ‘sweaterkini’ Ashley.”

8. I have a pet peeve that annoys me so much that I coined a phrase for it- “nostalgia for the present.” I could probably kick out 1500 words on it, and I actually use it as a pseudo-intellectual concept in my pseudo-intellectual job. That said the quickest example of nostalgia for the present is a girls bachelorette party. Allow me to stereotype, but women on a bachelorette party are tasked with two difficult things for them- 1) they need to make friends with girls they don’t know and 2) they need to execute “a legendary night out.” Unfortunately the girls rarely have something to bond over and they spend more time planning all of these stupid games and shenanigans that end up getting in the way of actually having fun. Hence they resort to nostalgia for the present. Ie they create and refer to inside jokes that are 15 minutes old. They will take 1000 photos to document their crazy antics rather than make sure they are actually having authentic crazy antics. There becomes such a focus on memorializing now, that it overwhelms the now. On a side note- guys don’t have this problem. They bond over beer, sports and steaks; they get drunk, gamble, and look at naked women. We have it much easier.

Anyhow back to the Bachelorette. I judge the quality of the dates on this show by the amount of nostalgia for the present. When the following conversation is happening its not good.. “I’m so comfortable right now with you. 10 minutes ago was awesome. Lets talk about how comfortable that was…”
So with that, I have to admit that Ames avoided all of the nostalgia for the present and seemed pretty natural. I was also impressed that he used the word “indeed” in the flow of his conversation and didn’t sound like a douche.

9. Ha. Did you think I was gonna let Ames get off that easily? No chance. That guy weirds me out. I made a list of things/ people he looks like- velociraptor, alien, ET, Sloth (from goonies), Gollum from Lord of the Rings… But my personal favorite:

White Sam Cassell- see link- http://tinyurl.com/64wcjps

10. Did everyone notice the Chris Harrison scared Ashely when she was about to kick off the guy whose wife died? I like to think it was the ghost of the wife putting the willies into Ashley and stopping her from taking her man.

Doling out thoughts on the Bachelorette and street justice.

The initial reason I started this blog was that I have these weird little rants and monologues that I spew out and force my poor wife to listen to. I stopped feeling bad for her years ago because a) she signed up for it and b) I’m pretty funny. That said, there are definitely times when I can see her eyes glaze over as I pause the DVR, refill my wine and essentially perform and unsolicited lecture about some silly topic that deep down very few people care about…

Great little side story, before I hop into my topic of the day. (and yes I know my side notes, must be the extra special icing of annoyance I add to Lisa’s life.) Back when she was pregnant, we had to attend a friend’s rehearsal dinner. Lisa was only a few weeks into her pregnancy and we weren’t telling anyone so we wanted to hide it. We had to devise a plot to cover up the fact that Lisa wasn’t drinking. For those that know her, there is no situation in which wine is flowing that Lisa isn’t leading the charge. Our plan- hatched straight from a bad romantic comedy- was for us to order the same wine, for Lisa to occasionally pick up the glass and gesture with it, and for me to drink from both glasses. Unfortunately we were at a nice restaurant with multiple wine parings and very attentive wine service. At one point I recall glancing at the table and seeing that I was responsible for four relatively full glasses. Needless to say I ended up getting good and drunk. So much so that I have a pretty decent black-out from the end of the night. The only thing I do know is that I bored the crap out of someone. The next day from my hungover stupor I explained to Lisa that I remember being at the bar and just rambling on in my drunken fervor about something so inconsequential that there is no way the person I was speaking to could care at all. I was relatively proud that I had a moment of self-realization where I could see myself boring someone and chose not to hit the breaks. Of course, I had no idea who it was, so I never got to apologize. That said, I’ll try to keep my rant today a bit more pointed and cover a couple of topics so no one feels like that poor guy cornered by a drunken ass at a rehearsal dinner.

Five points on the Bachelorette-

1. Ashley is the single worst person they have ever chosen for the bachelor/bachelorette. No one wants the insecure/ pathetic person leading show. How did this miss this?
2. Super kudos for whomever decided to do a roast of her! Triple special Kudos for all of the guys joking about her small boobs. If there is a small silver lining to having the insecure bachelorette this might have been it.
3. Bentley- you had me intrigued. You delivered the role of the villain to near perfection. I wish you had stayed longer, but the only thing I will ask is for you to come to reunion show and continued to be the same ass you are right to her face.
4. That poor guy with the mask. Other than getting a tattoo of your catch phrase (“guard and protect your heart”) on your arm has anyone ever played it worse?
5. The guy Ames weirds me out. His eyes are too far apart. Its not normal.

My right to deal out street justice.

Two things about me. 1) I’m really impatient and 2) I’m an awful driver. I remember when I was getting my driver permit my buddy Ankit would tell me that our driving instructor told him I was a bad driver. At the time I got pissed that this guy was talking shit about me- now I realize he was just warning the public.
Regardless my poor driving usually puts me in the passenger seat while my wife drives, and my lack of patients coupled with living in the NY metro area has me spewing rage and vile from my seat at the idiots driving around me.

For example, when we used to live in Edgewater we would routinely be trapped behind some slow driving SUV on river road on a Sunday afternoon. I would start my rant casually by commenting that there is no reason to drive that slow. Surely everyone has somewhere they would rather be than sitting in the car and if these people could just push a touch more on the accelerator everyone would be closer to being happier. I would then get further worked up and look at these slow drivers as an affront to the pursuit of happiness. The only plausible excuse I determine is that these slow SUVs had to be driven by divorced dads bringing their kids back to their ex-wives at the end of the weekend visitation. I then sympathized with these men assuming that they were purposely driving slow to annoy their ex-wives and show her that she was no longer the boss of them and it was his kid too dammit and he could bring him home when he saw fit. Of course I took it one step further and would suggest that these slow driving divorced dads pull off at the next strip mall and get the kids some fast food or an ice cream cone. That would really stick it to the ex-wife bringing the kid home late and too full to enjoy a family dinner…

Anyhow this is the type of ramble my wife is forced to live with when she is stuck in traffic and I’m in the car.

This Friday I came had a new riff that she found particularly amusing and prompted me to share. I called it street justice. I think a select few of us should be permitted to dole out street justice to people who are completely oblivious to the rule of auto etiquette or common sense. The idea is partially stolen from a novel I read where the heroes drive on the highway with paintball guns and shoot up the windshields of anyone driving while on their cell-phone. In my own version I posited that I should be permitted to smash rear view windshield off of the cars that double parked on Willow avenue, and I should be able to slash the tires of the person who reversed around the corner down the wrong way of a one-way street.

When we first started this blog, it was titled to reflect little fixes to the world if we were put in charge. It then morphed into a rant about TV shows I like. Today I gave out a little bit of both and what I will consider as fair warning to your windshield should I ever be put in charge of street justice.

Honor Code, TV, and the Real World

Watching the Bachelor finale while writing this......my money is on Emily, but his brothers are pushing for Chantel.

I digress.....

Let's discuss this honor code. If you have no idea what I am talking about, let me explain it in 2 sentences. The 2nd or 3rd best player on the college basketball team, BYU(a mormon school), was kicked off the team for violating the school's honor code. He violated the school's honor code by having premarital sex, not the other rules such as no booze, tobacco, drugs or caffeine. Yes you read the last sentence correctly. I'm not going to waste space debating how ridiculous an honor code is or how it could have ruined BYU's chances for a national championship. I'm going to ask you to pretend you had to abide by the honor code for 2 months. How here's the question.....order the 5 rules from easiest to hardest to abide by (premaritial sex = sex for married people) (and lets assume that oral sex does count as sex, but I cant be certain of the exact BYU rule). Personally, drugs and tobacco would be the easiest and booze would come

in third. I am assuming that this would be the order for many of you out there. Here comes the tricky part.....no coffee or soda for 2 months or no sex? Have you ever gone with out coffee or soda for 2 months....me either.

Quick bachelor question/thought.

What;s more dangerous? Going into one of those shark cages or leaning over the railing of a boat to see sharks swimming by the boat you are on? I am thinking that leaning over the railing could be dangerous when 20 foot great white sharks are banging into your boat.

---and weak last date with Chantel---aside from the "check out my boobs in this half zipped up wetsuit" moment

Lets discuss some TV items from the last few months.

-Bluebloods- one of the top shows on tv this year. Seleck and Walberg. Can't miss TV.

-Traffic Light--just stared watching this on Hulu a few weeks ago. Its a great new comedy that no one is talking about. Its about 3 friends(married one, super single one, and one who just mov

ed in with his girlfriend). Its really funny.

-Perfect Couple--A little disappointed, I thought this show was gonna be funnier.

-Southland-- since it's on TNT many of you have no idea about this one. Let me tell you it might be my favorite non-reality show on TV. It's the 1st thing I;ll watch on the DVR when I see it. It also gave me the only " holy shit, WTF just happened" moment of the year. Season 2 just wrapped up, try and check it out.

Dude, Brad is freaking out right now while talking to Emily.....literally having a panic attack.

OK, on to the main event.....Real World Las Vegas

Before watching the 1st episode I thought back to how wonderful the 1st RWLV was. How are we gonna top a 3-some(Trichelle, Steven, Brynn), Alton & Irulan's crazy relationship, 2 girls pose for playboy after wards, it was an all out crazy season. It was in my top 5 all time real world seasons. How could they top that? They can'y right? Kudos MTV, I think we can top it. WOW what a 1st episode. These guys know the deal....you;re on the RW and in Vegas....get drunk, find girls, and have a good time. They're gonna live it up. The girls on the other hand......jeez...looks like 2 wet blankets and a cute blonde.

I like that Mike's cousin Conner is on the show. Guess which one is Conner and guess who;s on the Real World

Adam is probably a little crazy, for real, like serial killer crazy. Who else openly pursuits a girl with a boyfriend of 6 years?

Nany.....who tells their boyfriend one of the guys has a thing for her? I'll tell you who does, I girl who wont have a boyfriend at home soon.

Garbage Man.....looks solid

Dustin--Hey I'm Dustin, i've been naked on webcams with gay dudes. really? just show all your cards at once.

I thought I had more to say.....I guess not. If the season previews are half of what is in store, we could be looking at an amazing season.